Is it me or is it them? Yes, this eternal question was, as always, baffling me.
I seem to play a yo-yo with my relationships. I give it all then back off. I give it all then retreat. Then I start thinking of breaking up and moving on. Then I regret such selfish thoughts and want to give it my all again. And so I go over and over in circles not knowing what is the right thing to do.
Surely, the right thing is the thing one wants to do, no?
If I am honest about it, I want to receive and give freely. With no boundaries, no hesitation, no dithering or restrictions. It may be telling that I start crying every time I concede that I’m not giving and receiving as I know and feel I deserve.
Long time ago I read that tears are the language of the soul. It that’s even remotely true then my soul lives in agony. It suffers in silence every time I deny myself a true, unconditional loving. For, what else are we supposed to do whilst here on Earth but to love?
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